Divided I Stand
by Siege Mage
Summary: Lapis and Jasper aren't the only ones trapped at the bottom of the ocean. Malachite is here, as well. One-shot. Malachite-centric. Mild spoilers up to Chille Tid.


**Disclaimer** : Steven Universe is owned by Rebecca Sugar

 **Summary:** Lapis and Jasper aren't they only ones trapped at the bottom of the sea.

 **Warnings:** One-shot. Spoilers for the end of season one and mild spoilers for "Chille Tid." Kinda wonky format/POV cause of crazy Malachite. Influenced by headcanons. Non Beta'd

 **Date Posted:** July 7th, 2015. Update: Went back and fixed some mistakes.

 **Author's Note:** This popped into my head after watching "Keeping It Together." From what I understand, a fusion is their own person and the gems they are made of is a part of themselves. The fusion is meant to be in control and fuel by the harmony between two or more gems. If there is disharmony between the fused gems, the fusion becomes unstable and is supposed to fall apart. However, Malachite is a very unstable fusion where one of the gems she is made of is determined to stay fused, so I imagine that she's just a little bit unhinged.

Also, the "Light" mentioned a few times is a reference to how Garnet explained fusion to Greg in "We Need to Talk."

* * *

The first feeling that was her own was that of power. The Light from her two gems were sluggish in creating a combined body for her but the end result was beyond pleasing. Her body was a titan compared to the laughable, reject Gems that stood before her. She could easily reach out and capture them all with a single hand. She could crush them in seconds(make them regret opposing **her** regret what they did to _her_ ). She nearly did. She had reached out, prepared to grab them all, when she paused.

She could feel a twisting, churning energy inside of her that was both very familiar and completely alien to her. The strange energy pulled the nearby waves to her and made the water feel like an extension of her already huge form. She could remember harnessing the water before to overpower the Crystal Gems. The memory brought a feral smile to her face—this was how she was going to destroy them, she decided. She was start with the Pearl, the Amethyst, and the Garnet. She would humiliate them(like they had **her** ), make them utterly helpless(like they had _her_ ), and shatter them until not even RoseQuartzSteven could fix them. Then she would move on to himher.

But her excitement was quickly replaced with confusion, horror, and pain. Her emotions fractured and her own thoughts started screaming at each other. Her body, her new beautiful, monstrous body, felt like it was melting as the energy inside of her started to boil. She felt triumphant and betrayed as her own chains(she could easily break them with a flick of her wrists why wasn't she) dragged her into the ocean, away from the Gems. As she was pulled into the black depths, she felt burning rage( **she** make them pay) and horrified irony( _she_ was a prisoner again but now _she_ was also the imprisoner).

She couldn't truly think. She watched the surface become further and further away and the light become dimmer and dimmer. The too loud thoughts had dissolved in nothing but savage screaming and bitter laughter. She didn't notice when the chains came to a halt in a trench deep, deep in the ocean floor. She could only feel.

Her body cried to turn back into the Light that would silence the painful thoughts in her mind and bring her peace. One of her gems, the one that granted her strength, demanded for her to separate. Her other gem, the one that held the very energy that started all of this, needed her to stay together. She couldn't decide what to do. Her environment wasn't helping either; the pressures of the ocean water were strong enough to break down her body, but were also heavy enough to force her together. She was stuck.

Time passed—how much she didn't know or care—and eventually she resided into her mind and away from the suffocating outside. The argument she was having with herself was still going strong. _She_ was still forcing herself down and **she** continued to claw up, but the noise was much more quiet compared to before. She could finally think in with her own whispery thoughts.

She couldn't fully understand why she was. Every part of her seemed to want something different.

There was a weak, unyielding part of her that was the one that forced her to be. _She_ had made this _her_ purpose. After so long of being trapped, _she_ didn't know what to do with freedom. _She_ had tried to return to place _she_ considered home for as long as _she_ could remember. It was the one thing that had kept _her_ sane with old memories that filled _her_ with a soft warmth. But that place was gone. It had been replaced by a cold, metal empire that had no place for _her_. _She_ had nothing— _she_ was nothing—until _she_ thought of him. He brought out a flicker of that old, dead warmth from deep within _her_ and she treasured him for it.

An angry, determined part of her wanted to punish herself for _her_ treachery. When **she** was freed(for it was when not if), **she** made it **her** mission to cause unmeasurable pain. **She** was great and widely feared; **she** should be commanding armies, not rotting in a glorified puddle! **She** was power and **she** would have to remind those that dared to defy **her**. **She** would burn away the weak part of herself and this entire miserable planet while **she** was at it. None would be spared. She would make them all pay.

She was in a constant state of drowning.

So there, at the bottom of ocean, bound in icy chains, she was frozen. Her body refused to move as it was just barely keeping itself together. Her mind was fighting itself for control, with the tiny, broken part of her(this was all _she_ had _she_ wouldn't fail _she_ refused to fail him) coming out victorious most of the time over her animalistic side( **she** would win just wait and see they would beg **her** to end the suffering when this was over).

One of the few things all of her felt was the desire to die.

Her self-imposed torture, however, was suddenly grinded to a halt.

"Lapis Lazuli?"

 _ **'What is heshe doing here?!'** _ all of her thought. Seeing him brought out the small warmth but also reignited the fiery rage within her tenfold. _She_ needed to concentrate, now more than ever. Heshe( _her_ reason **her** enemy) couldn't be here. It wasn't safe, especially if heshe didn't have the Crystal Gems with himher.

(That was another one of the very few things she fully felt: hatred for the Crystal Gems. They had hurt her and caused all of this. If they had never trapped _her_ , rejected _her_ , fought **her** , challenged **her** , than none of this would have happened.)

In a flash heshe was gone. _She_ wondered if he had ever been there or if it was just a hallucination brought on by the chaos in her that was inevitably driving _her_ insane. **She** cursed the General **she** once respected for cowardly running away.

Just as her thoughts started to settle once more, heshe returned and all of her was pushed to the breaking point.

Never before had she felt so divided—not even when she dragged into the ocean just mere moments after coming into existence. She could actually feel parts of her mind become shades of who she once was. She barely existed anymore, held together by feeble, nothing chains of the confusion between _Desire_ and **Wrath**.

For the first time, the strong, defeated part of her emerged and took control. This time, the unrelenting **Rage** was directed to the small, pathetic thing that had somehow found herhis way into the furthest corners of her mind. Yet, despite countless hours spent paying revenge and simmering in hatred, the effort it took to overcome had left **her** with just barely enough strength to crawl toward the shivering whelp.

Then, as fast as it had happened, it ended. Her **Rage** was dragged under once more and her _Purpose_ pulled through. She felt drained. The **Fury** was smothered and her _Resolve_ , while victorious in the struggle, was damaged.

The boyGeneral tried to talk to her, tried to save her, but _she_ refused. He had saved _her_ once before, now it was _her_ turn.

"Just let me do this for you!"

Once more, he reached out, but _she_ pulled on the small strands that remained of _her_ once vast energy. _She_ forced a shield of water between _her_ and _her_ reason for existingthe reason for **her** imprisoning.

"We're Malachite now."

That was all she needed. The _Resolve_ had finally given in and the **Rage** had finally quieted. Her halves were weakened, but she as a whole remained strong.

She took control. She raised the cage in her mind over the parts that created her. She dragged the echoes of the gems that had created her into the depths of her mind and consumed _**them**_. She devoured the **Anger** and absorbed the _Drive_. She had suffered enough from _ **their**_ battle. She would drown _ **them**_ like ** _they_** did her.

Malachite was a being all her own.

"GO!"

With her first moment of clarity, she banished the being that caused all this from her mind. She wouldn't hurt it, but she wanted to completely alone for the first time in her existence. Now, with her internal war was over, she was once more aware of her body after so long. She didn't move, however. She didn't want to trigger anything that wake up her annoying **Temper** or irritating _Stubbornness_.

Compared to the empty expanse that was her mind, her massive body felt very small as it floated in oblivion. It was also the first time she had ever experienced silence. She felt at peace and that, in a way, was terrifying.

She had become accustomed to the eternal conflict that was her and now that it was gone…she pretty much felt nothing. Her gems had once belonged to a very passionate pair. Neither would admit defeat in the end and even then _**they**_ would rise up and continue fighting until **_they_** were shattered. But now, _**they** _ were all but gone and she felt nothing by herself. However, **_they_** had left hints of spite and hate in her and she would never let either of _**them**_ go.

Her mind had become completely one with itself.

Malachite had never hated herself more.

* * *

 **Author's Note:** I hope I did this idea justice. To me, Malachite is held together by hatred, whether to others or to herself. She is her own person, if only in the barest of senses. In my headcanon, Steven's appearance in Chille Tid upset the already unstable mindset of the fusion, she was able to take over both Jasper and Lapis until she was in control and they became her prisoners out of spite.

Of course, this theory will probably disproven soon enough, but oh well~

Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed it. I'm still pretty new to writing fanfiction, so let me know what you think!


End file.
